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Posts tagged advice

Ten Things Your Single Friends Are Tired Of Hearing

Reblogged from constantlyeffed


1) “You’ll find it when you aren’t looking!”

This is typically where your advice starts. ”It’ll come along when you least expect it,” is also “You’ll find it when you aren’t looking“‘s retarded little sister. You can all just go fuck right the fuck off after you say this to anyone who is single….

I’m in a relationship, but I can DEFINITELY get on board with this. When I was single, I was a bit notorious for short, meaningless, unsuccessful relationships, and my friends in long-terms (or what they THOUGHT would be long-terms) would say similar things to me. “You’re too picky,” was ALWAYS on the top of people’s list.
Them: “Why did you break up with him?”
Me: “It didn’t feel right.”
Them: “That’s not a very good reason.”
What, really? Who is ANYONE to tell me that feeling WRONG in a relationship isn’t an effing good enough reason to leave it? I’ve been in a BIG handful of relationships with a series of different personalities, and some of the people I tried dating were really, really nice guys, but they DIDN’T MAKE ME HAPPY. And sometimes that bloody happens! Sometimes the guy you think should be “Mr. Right” because of his qualities just doesn’t mesh with you the way Mr. Right should. I mean, when you FINALLY find someone who meshes well, someone who will work, it isn’t going to be because you stopped being picky, or that you finally looked in the “right” place. It’s going to be because you BLOODY FOUND SOMEONE WHO ROCKS YOUR BUNS OFF. And that could be someone you “found” in a series of ways! On old friend, a stranger, a friend of a friend, a friend’s sibling - YOU CAN’T ASSUME TO KNOW WHO IT’LL EFFING BE, but it’ll just HAPPEN one day and you’ll be like, “Oh shit, how did I not know you/this sooner?”

You CAN’T possibly give someone any advice that will speed up the process of bumping into the person who makes them feel amazing. It’ll happen when it happens, and when it DOES, the only advice to give is to let it happen as it will. I mean, when I found my fella, I was already IN a relationship. It was a rowdy house party (which isn’t normally the right place to meet a future long-term partner), neither of us really knew WHAT we wanted/needed because of where we were in life, and neither of us were/are particularly ecstatic with ourselves. SO. Y’KNOW, THE ADVICE IS BUNK, because we met at probably the WORST possible time in the silliest way and yet we ended up the happiest and most fulfilled couple I know. So bam. It’ll friggin’ HAPPEN, it’ll just happen later. And it sucks.

In the meantime, single folks, get some lube/toys and enjoy yourself.

Get help BEFORE you need it.

I know how it sounds. It’s scary and embarrassing and - wait, why are we even talking about this ‘cause you don’t have any sort of problem, right? You’re just a bit sad sometimes - okay, most of the time - but that’s cool because you still laugh at peoples’ jokes and see the beauty in the world. That’s enough, right? Right?

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Never underestimate the power of asking questions, getting advice, branching out and networking.  If someone gives you a contact, take advantage of it - email, message, call, set up an interview, whatever.  Just do it, because that’s how you open doors.

I swear, I am gonna’ be asking ALL them questions when I’m given an opportunity.

A bit of my brain.

I’m moving in three weeks.

While I’m ecstatic and anxious and flustered in all the best possible ways, I’ll admit that some things are getting me down.  A few months ago - okay, okay, over a year ago - I became extremely fixated on the thought of going to school.  I started to get really serious about planning and exploring my options, working all week, getting art and family stuff done on the weekends; I honestly stopped putting an effort into my social life.  Granted, the group of friends I hungout with all the time wasn’t really my group of friends anymore - too much blank space had filled the timeline since the last time we all got together and I felt like an outsider more than anything - but I shouldn’t have let it die.  The fact of the matter is, I was hiding behind my internet social life.  I used it as an excuse not to get out and make any real attempts to see people.  “I can just shoot him/her a message; it’ll be fine.”  It’s not fine.  It’s not fine to stop giving a bit of your time to the people you love and care about; and that’s exactly what I did.  It’s not that I stopped loving and caring about them, either.  It was just that I assumed they’d always be there, even if I blipped off the radar for a good chunk of time.  Hell, I still think about those kids and sigh one of those nostalgic breaths and think, “Man, what I’d give to see them again…” knowing full well that things would be 100% different if I did.
This whole thing bit me in the ass the other day, and now I’m almost certain I’ve lost a great friend.  Because of the choices I made in the past, I really don’t have very many chums to say goodbye to now that it’s finally time to SAY goodbye.  It stings, but it’s deserved.

I’m not going to let this happen again.  I don’t want to let any more plans fall through and I don’t want to lose any more of the people I care about.  I’m going to make the very best effort to see some of those folks before I move, and I hope to goodness they accept my most sincere apologies for being off the radar for so long.  I guess this is more of a ranty-type post - a little insider into who I am (or have been) in “the real world.”  Something you can take from this, though, is that you shouldn’t spend your time moping and crying if you make a mistake.  You’re gonna’ do it.  You’ll lose people.  You’ll feel lame.  You’ll regret some things.  No matter what, though, you need to learn what you can from them.  Will it suck to lose a friend because you were a reclusive flake?  Yeah - yeah it will.  You might even be tempted to blame it on them, say they’re the ones who abandoned YOU.  Though, until you can admit that you’re at fault and learn not to make the same mistake again, you’ll never really move forward.

Obrabet’s Relationship Corner #7

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